I went to see a Muslim tribute band last night called 'Bomb Jovi'.
They were brilliant, their last song 'Living on a Prayer Mat' almost brought the house down.
Afterwards in the bar, a Muslim guy was showing me that he had the entire Koran on DVD.
I was genuinely interested so I asked him if I could burn a copy.
...Well, that was when the trouble started...
So, a friend was a Marine in Afghanistan and found this Afghan soldier who could lob a grenade over 100 yards and get it through a small window. After his tour was up he brought the guy back to the states and had him try out for a couple of NFL teams as a quarterback. The Detroit Lions picked him up and the guy was offered a multimillion dollar contract the next year. While on the road he got homesick for his mother so at a stop he called her. She was very upset with him and said she disowned him.
He asked, "Why?"
She replied, "Sure you now make a lot of money and are rich and famous but it seems you don't care about your family! Your brother was shot in the crossfire of rival factions last week. Your sister was gang raped yesterday. I don't know why I let you move us to Detroit!"
I'm taking it one-liners count as jokes. So here's a few I always liked:
A seal walks into a club ...
Have you ever noticed how worried complete strangers get when you follow them up a ladder?
'The crows seem to be calling my name!', said Caw.
As I looked at the flint grey sky I remembered how, earlier in the day, I had caught a grey salmon and how I'd named him Flint.
"Barbra Streisand told Diane Sawyer that we're in a global warming crisis, and we can expect more and more intense storms, droughts and dust bowls. But before they act, weather experts say they're still waiting to hear from Celine Dion." --Jay Leno
Look down at your penis.
That usually makes me laugh.
Corey Matthews walks into a bar
I get an erection
I'm just back from the Holiday of a Lifetime!
NEVER AGAIN!!
heres a joke why did a potato go to france? to become a salty FRENCH fry. hehehehe u get it? FRENCH fry? no?.. ok
how would I know if you laughed or not behind a computer screen?
My dog has no nose.
How does he smell?
Awful.
I will award you with a "best answer" if you can make me laugh. Trust me it is difficult to make me laugh.
